Different Kinds of Happy

Long Lost Poem

I don’t know what overcame me, but I got bold enough to wade through the rocky terrain of my Microsoft Word doc journal from 2013. I’d forgotten what a whirlwind year it was. In the space of a few months, I crossed the stage as a college graduate, my best friend got married, and I began a new job which turned out to be the most difficult I’ve ever had.

Out of this tension and flinging around, a good bit of introspective free verse was born. Scattered among posts about molasses-slow summer days and a dozen emotional roller coasters, I found this poem from one of the shadowy times. Reading it again, I cringe hearing my voice echo across time like I cringe when I hear my voice on recording. As much as I want to forget seasons of darkness, I realize it’s good to remember–vital really to come to terms with where I’ve been and how far I’ve come. I celebrate that I’m not where I was two years ago. Yet I hope this spirit of confession and desperation that drew me to my knees in the darkness would draw me still to my knees in the light.

I dart across the garden,
Wild oaks and bushes, my refuge.
Raw fear– poison I swallowed
In moments of desperation–
Pounds through my veins.

Unable to escape the gaze
Of Heaven’s Hound,
I cower in the face of Mercy.
Too scared to surrender
Though I see my footprints—
Almost imperceptible,
Scattered all around—
I’ve been here before.

Why do I hide from
The Maker of these trees and
Lover of my soul?

Truth reveals.
Confession heals.

And I long to be known,
Long for the One who made me
To make me still.
To arrest my wayward heart
And bring me home.

This entry was published on March 20, 2015 at 12:34 am and is filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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